Dare to assume responsibility
Everything life throws at our way has one and only innate goal: Our growth and expansion.
And if that “everything” is viewed as positive, all is well. Assuming responsibility seems easy and straightforward. But what if it’s something that triggers our insecurities and greatest fears? What does it mean to “assume responsibility” then?
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A lot of times life brings in our way “obstacles” that may shock us or stop us in our tracks. More often than not, emotional attachment to people or circumstances is involved. And this is exactly what makes this more complicated and more difficult to navigate.
Our innate tendency in those moments - at least for most of us- is to panic and focus on thoughts like “why did this have to happen to me?”. We may even blame and shame ourselves or instead charge it to others or external circumstances and pretend we had nothing to do with it.
What if we would reframe the question to “How is this happening for me?” AND “What does this try to teach me about myself?”
You may have heard this before: reality is neutral. It only get’s the meaning WE assign to it. This usually happens automatically based on our experiences thus far and our core belief systems and build-in response mechanisms.
And the truth is that most of us don’t have the emotional maturity to see and interpret things for what they are. We usually interpret them based on what we think they are or what we would wish them to be. I am certainly guilty of that. We assign meanings and narratives (stories) based on a fictional reality run by our subconscious mind. In other words, how we interpret reality isn't purely objective but filtered through subconscious frameworks—our memories, emotions, symbols, and internalized stories.
Those narratives have automatically set up way before we could ever had a conscious choice -in childhood-, and yes, they are still running our lives to a great extend- especially when it comes to our emotional needs and desires-.
Unfortunately many of us don’t have any awareness of this truth and thus no awareness of what’s running the show of our life. Meanwhile, our life (and primarily our relationships) are greatly formed and woven around those narratives. Unless we realize that and decide to take control over our emotions, actions and behaviors, the dysfunctional patterns will keep re-playing over and over like a broken disc. Normal and natural reaction, yet not a mature one. Neither effective and efficient in the long run.
Instead, we could choose to see what happens as an opportunity to assume responsibility and brake the cycle.
We need to realize that our narratives and early childhood experiences shape our realities. Unless we are willing to bring awareness to those stories and consciously choose different ones, we’ll keep reacting to life experiences and connect with other people from a 5 years old’s perspective! (How does this works out for you so far? Dare to be honest with yourself.)
So, here is the truth we are all asked to accept: “obstacles” life presents us with, are great opportunities for maturation, growth and learning, if we are willing to do the work.
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If growth, resilience and inner peace is important to you, do yourself the favor and choose to assume responsibility. Take some distance, calm your nervous system and bring self awareness to whatever “obstacle” you are called to face right now. Choose to sit with your emotions, inquire your narratives and, eventually, act differently. Only then, growth and forward movement can actually happen. Only then you’ll calm the storm inside. Otherwise you’ll just prolong the cycle and the lesson you are asked to learn.
It may take time, so be kind to yourself and have patience and strong faith in your ability to do this successfully. Ask for help if you need to. Asking for help is a sign of true power and strength. It’s scary to be vulnerable, I know. Especially if you’ve been avoiding this your whole life. But it’s worth it. I promise you!
Remember, you have the pen, you (re)write the story…
