Yes, there is another way
It’s a sunny Friday morning, walking my daughter to the Greek school. It’s been a couple of months we moved to Greece from the Netherlands.
As I enter the courtyard, the teacher from the classroom next door asks to talk to me. I drop my daughter off to her class and I go to her. She needs some information for a trip she plans to take with her kids next autumn to the NL, which I am happy to provide. Immersed in the conversation I suddenly realize the kids are sitting quietly on the bench behind me waiting for her to start the class (that should have started 20min ago!). Automatically, I feel self conscious and I apologize to her for delaying the class. Her response was “don’t worry they are well trained kids”. We kept talking for another good 10 min.! The kids were patiently and quietly waiting all this time. No playing, no laughing, barely any sound. Leaving from there I found myself deeply puzzled from what I had just observed.
My daughter has told me a couple of times that she (and all other kids in her classroom) froze in fear when suddenly, while playing, she heard loud shouting coming from that teacher. She also told me her own teacher yells often to the other kids - not to her, she said-.
Unfortunately, this is not a unique case or a bad teacher. I am sure she has the best of intentions for those kids and she is certainly knowledgeable and well educated for the position she holds. But she’s also learned and assumed as normal that raising your voice (i.e. yelling) and (consciously or unconsciously) intimidating, even scaring the little ones is a really effective way of discipline. Similar to what all animals in the animal kingdom would do. Sadly enough this, in 2025, still seems to be the norm in this country.
I am not letting myself outside of this equation. I also grew up in this environment and sadly this is also many times my go to method for “correcting” my kids behavior. And for many years I also thought this is normal, although it never felt right (i.e., in alignment with me). But now, I’ve also seen another way and I know it’s possible to have cooperation without yelling, without manipulation, without shaming or blaming.
In the Netherlands, for example, the kids are not being trained nor treated as pets that need to obey to their “masters- adults”. They are being respected and integrated in the group as separate and equal people (school, family, etc.). Kids are inspired and shown by the adults how to cooperate and collaborate in playful and peaceful ways. They are taught through (pre-)planning, consistency, peaceful verbal instructions and body language, when they need to pay attention to the adults, sit still and listen. The rest of the time they are let to be playful, loud and active as kids are supposed to be. Surprisingly enough they develop a natural way of playing and interacting in peaceful, well behaved and creative ways.
On the contrary, in Greece the majority of the kids behave like wild animals in a cage. Either stifled, either outraged or out of control. Can you spot the problem? We cannot say we don’t know any better. Not anymore! In 2025 we (can) have access to this kind of information and examples. The question is, do we have the openness and the willingness to learn new ways?
However, difficult and challenging changing learned ways of behavior may be, it’s a necessity for our societal evolution, especially for the roles that involve children. Our societies need more than anything the free, creative, loving and peaceful spirit of children. This is life force in its essence and its purest form! Stifling their expression from such a young age and training them to behave in ways that are against their free nature is a crime and disservice to all of us! To the world! We as parents, teachers, friends, family, society we need to examine our beliefs, patterns and norms and change course asap! We cannot continue living on old outdated societal constructs. We know better than that! And if we don’t yet, we can seek and learn!
I don’t care how much educational knowledge or degrees you hold or how much of a great parent you think you are. If you lack this fundamental understanding of kids’ importance in this world and you don’t seek ways to free them up instead of keep shutting them down the problem is with you! Not them! If someone needs to be (re)trained is the adults of this world, not the kids!
I am certainly not perfect! Nor I aim for that anymore, because I will probably never be! I am being, however, aware, and hold myself accountable for my actions and behaviors, especially when it comes to my interactions with children. I seek to understand, listen, reflect, change course and restore my relationship with them by healing myself first.
I hold the conviction that by healing ourselves we heal the society we live in. Nothing revolutionary, simple logic.
This is the only way to actually change this world. Look at yourself from a distance, pay attention, observe. Don’t assume you know everything or you have all the answers because you live longer on this planet. Realize you operate on autopilot most of the time via a learned outdated and corrupted programming. Seek to learn from the kids, seek to question yourself and your beliefs often enough. Not in theory! Go deep where it becomes uncomfortable and most importantly, whenever you spot the disharmony hold yourself accountable and choose to take different action!
Keep evolving for the sake of all!
