What would I do for love?

Humans, crave emotional stability and connection from the moment we are born.

In our society, people pleasing and co-dependency are very common ways of connecting to people. However, they are both very dysfunctional ways of connection. They serve our human need for closeness, connection and emotional safety. They do this by providing us with a false sense of control over the way other people see us and perceive us.

This type of connection stems from a deep fear. The fear of rejection.

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The fear of rejection is essentially a false belief.

Yet, for me, this belief has caused me some very real and deep wounding the moment I, unconsciously, decided to abandon my own truth for the sake of connection.

This false belief has shaped my persona for the majority of my life - yet, it’s been only in the recent past months I was able to clearly identify it, recognize it and own it as my truth.

I’ve come to realize something profound; The wound was never about external disapproval or rejection. Instead it was the internal rejection that hurt me and shaped me.

It was an act of rejection from me towards me.

It was my fears, my insecurities, my feeling of not being good enough, worthy enough, smart enough …you name it… for someone or something else! It has simply been me against me, all along.

It was my unconscious decision to reject parts of myself I judged and perceived as “not acceptable” by the people I was seeking connection from as a child, teenager and young adult.

This realization was not an easy pill to shallow. Yet, it’s been liberating. Because now, I know I have control over this and I can consciously choose to be whole again.

Perhaps I also speak for those of you who read this, when I say that…

I decide, I will never abandon myself again. I will never allow outside validation and approval- or lack thereof- to define who I am and whether I am worthy of love.

I am not here to earn or manipulate anyone’s approval. That’s not my life’s purpose.

I choose to accept myself fully, with all my imperfections, “flaws” and “unacceptable” -by the people around me- sides.

I am imperfect, unique and therefore authentic. I allow myself to be, simply, me.

Allowing myself to be seen and express fully and openly as my authentic, imperfect self, is my true purpose in this life.

Whether someone else approves of me or not, is not my problem and it’s not even under my control. Nor I care for it to be so anymore.

I consciously choose to allow others to see me and reject me for who I am rather than try to please their version of who they think I am or need to be.

In relationships, my intentions and expectations are now clear. My connections feel honest and genuinely loving and respectful. They feel and are safe because they are formed from a place of wholeness.

Losing people is painful but losing yourself is unbearable.

I would do anything for love…but I won’t reject myself. No more…

So, my friend, feel free to reject me. I’m already whole.