Choose to remember
Fitting in takes you away from your own uniqueness and sense of self. Creates confusion and makes you feel lost in life, unsatisfied and deeply sad and frustrated with yourself. And as a result you feel unsafe in this world.
Fitting in implies pretending to be someone you are not. It requires you to suppress, deny and reject (parts of) your uniqueness (inner being, essence, spirit) to fit in to an egoic structure. An egoic structure that has been formed to fit in with whatever the various external circumstances dictate at any given moment. This the result of an automatic survival mechanism that we are all equipped with, so that we can find comfort, connection and a sense of worth. This mechanism operates on autopilot early in childhood because we have no awareness or physical ways of how we can provide all that we need for ourselves.
Fitting in implies not accepting yourself fully. You are essentially (consciously or unconsciously) rejecting your own unique way of being in this world. Society after all creates the perfect ground for this distortion to be developed within you, so don’t blame yourself for that (too).
It’s time you become aware that you have the responsibility and the free will to choose otherwise, if this is bothering you in someway or form. Much easier said than done, yet this is a valuable truth. Not only that, but this is your path to re-discovering or remembering your own uniqueness and set yourself (your soul) free to be who you are really are and meant to become. The feelings of inner peace and joy that comes as a result of taking on this responsibility greatly worth the trouble, believe me!
Personally, the more I walk this path, the more I tend to believe we are here to discover safety within, our own self-worth. Bridging this inner gap is the key that, I’ve found from my personal experience, sets us free and ensures an exuberant, joyful and abundant life. The details of this experience/journey will be unique for each one of us, but this truth remains common to all of us. This is what connects us.
So, if you are tired of pretending and you are willing to free yourself up by finding your own sense of worth and safety within, that’s certainly possible, - if not necessary-. Perhaps that’s all what life is essentially about anyway; a journey to remember your truth so that you can live a joyful and fulfilling life, tailored uniquely to you. The latter answers also the why we are here on this planet. Sorry - not sorry- if I ruined your search for a more extravagant life purpose!
So, how do you even start freeing yourself up?
Start by observing and becoming curious of how and under what conditions (people, places) you feel this need or tendency to make your self small or twist yourself in ways that feel “wrong” in your body, yet they make you feel “safe”, i.e., a good fit for the outside world.
Then take some moments to sit with that feeling or thought and question it. Be curious about the story behind it. What is the narrative? What do you believe to be true and it causes you to act this way? Why is it so? What purpose does it serve for you? How is it helpful to you? Because I guarantee you that in some way, it is serving you, otherwise you wouldn’t do it (not even automatically). Our egoic structures may have been formed early on in life on autopilot, yet they have been formed in ways that were a perfect match for us in that moment in order to keep us safe in the environment we grew up. For example, if you grew up with authoritarian parent(s) or caregiver(s) that were diminishing or criticizing your every way of free expression, you’ve most likely feel hesitation or even severe anxiety of showing up in ways that are not considered “acceptable” by the environment you find yourself in. But now as an adult, this same pattern keeps you stuck, unfulfilled and angry with yourself.
The next step, after you’ve become aware of the pattern(s) that you want to change is action. This step takes determination, courage, patience, consistency and self compassion. Changing habits and patterns you were operating from for years it’s not an easy process. But you don’t have to do this alone. I’d actually advise you not to, at least in the beginning you’ll need some support around you. It could be a professional, a friend or simply someone you trust.
This is not a linear process but rather it follows an upper (occasionally may feel downward) spiraling direction. It also happens in increments. Not all at once. It’s like shedding layers, one by one. Some thicker and denser than others.
Find comfort in the knowing and belief that whatever is brought up for you to examine, question, or feel you are very well equipped for this. So, brace yourself and prepare for impact.
Coming back to yourself is the ultimate reward you can achieve in life. Afterall this is the only “achievement” your soul will actually take with it when your body returns back to earth.
