‘Controlling’ or ‘In control’? Know the difference…

Being ‘controlling’ is not the same as ‘being in control’.

Yet there seems to be a misconception between the two in our society.

Controlling behavior is a way/attempt to predict and protect ourselves from the outside world (people, situations, undesired outcomes). Controlling is fear based, constrictive, manipulative and implies mistrust and deep feelings of unsafety. Controlling behavior is a protective mechanism and is to a great degree compulsive, automatic and reactive.

‘Being in control’, on the other hand, is an inner state. A state of inner peace, stability and balance. Being in control means being in control of your inner world - thoughts, emotions, behavior-. Being in control is the ability to respond consciously, respectfully, with compassion and with integrity (aligned with your core values) to anything or anyone. This is the state of true power which results in feelings of genuine security and safety. It allows you to have discernment and authority over your own life decisions and assume responsibility for your words, actions and behaviors without fear or the need to protect or attack.

Both our societies and us, as individuals, act more controlling than ‘in control’.

Most people confuse their need to protect themselves, by controlling their environment (conditions, people’s behaviors, potential outcomes), with being in control of their life. We are essentially a fear based society and we’ve learned to act and behave like victims. To a great extent and to our detriment, we’ve adopted this role for so long that the majority of us are not even aware of it. It’s our ‘natural’ state.

We need to realize however that we cannot truly be in control (i.e. feeling safe and secure within this world) if we constantly try to protect ourself, predict, alter, manage or prevent things from happening in the external environment. When we act like victims of circumstances, rather than , we don’t trust ourselves enough to be able to handle the experiences life has to offer (positive or challenging).

We create our realities and operate on the premise of mistrust and unsafety.

Thankfully, more and more people nowadays seem to awake to this fact and shifting their awareness back inside. There where real power, safety and control can be reclaimed.

For us reclaiming ‘being in control’ of our lives, i.e. cultivating inner safety and security, is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and our society as a whole.