Love your shame. Don’t judge it.

The biggest challenge in changing habits and patterns,- that keep us stuck in a loop of dissatisfaction and no longer serve our evolution and soul’s expansion-, is not the pattern itself but rather the shame we carry around that pattern or habit.

For example, let’s consider smoking for a moment. Smoking is generally viewed as a bad/harmful habit many people would like to quit and change, yet somehow they don’t seem able to do so…But what if I told you, that it is the belief that these people hold which says “Smoking is a bad and harmful habit from which we are unable to escape” that keeps those people stuck in this ‘not able to quit smoking’ loop? It is the fact that these people judge themselves for their own choices that keeps them stuck in a loop of shame and guilt. And it is that feeling of shame and guilt they try to numb and escape from through the addictive habit of smoking. Do you see the paradox here?

Shame is what you feel not when other people judge you but when you judge yourself for your own choices. It’s a deep seated (false) belief you are defect. You are broken. It’s a self-trust and self-love issue.

As humans, we all have free will and we are all free to make choices. But when we judge, reject or blame ourselves for the choices and decisions we make in our daily lives or when we don’t follow through with the promises we give to ourselves or others, then shame takes over. And this is a feeling everyone wants to escape from.

But the solution is not in escaping the shame. It’s rather in recognizing it and embracing it as part of us. You cannot fight the shame with shame. You cannot judge it nor blame it. You can only acknowledge it, thank it and release it gently.

How does that look like in practice? Speak to shame (or any other difficult emotion for that matter). Speak to it like it’s a separate part of you. Say something like, “I see you, I thank you, I don’t believe your narrative that there is something wrong with me and therefore I choose to release you. I trust myself to make the right choices for me”.

It’s that simple, yet it takes practice and patience. One step at a time my friend…one small step at a time! ❤

With Love,

Eleni