I am exactly where I need to be until…

I am exactly where I need to be until I learn the lesson I need to learn.

———

Last post of the year…with my inner critic once again at the forefront.

Yet, this is not the end…instead, it’s just the beginning of what’s yet to come.

——-

The end of 2025 finds me in emotional distress.

While I am writing this, my body is almost in panic mode and my mind in confusion. I feel deeply unsatisfied with my personal growth and professional achievements.

Family - It’s been a challenging year for all of us. Changing country, lifestyle and routine- although initially refreshing-, disrupted our stability and sense of security, especially for the kids. Emotions run high 24/7. It has required (and still does) a lot of strength, patience and compassion from us to navigate this big change.

Career wise - On top of our move from the NL to Greece, I’ve made a huge step this year to officially shift careers and also communicate this openly to the world-outside of my own head-. So far I have certainly failed my expectations and the achievements I had set for this year. Perhaps these were more of wishes and miraculous outcomes, rather that tangible goals. Yes, a few bold steps were taken (branding, signing up for online courses, showing up consistently through my website, creating my own youtube channel), yet not much of results to show.

Overall, if I am being honest, I feel unsatisfied with my progress so far. While the potential was there, I feel I have failed to make the best out of it. Not by accident, instead through clear self-sabotaging. Because where focus goes, energy flows, and this year I allowed my focus and energy to remain scattered. For the greater part my actions and behaviors would direct me away from those dreams, keeping me away from my ideal version of reality. On one hand I was building up momentum through daydreaming and bursts of inspired actions and creativity, but business-wise I held myself back.

Reflecting on it now, I can see how my self-sabotage stems from lack of self-trust and self-acceptance and also fear of losing people from my life. An inner, endless, tag of war. One foot in my old self and another in the new dream. One step forward and many backwards.

And yet, there is this tenacity in me that keeps me going. I cannot really explain it. It’s just there. A spark of fire that refuses to stop burning no-matter how my inner critic and disempowering thought patterns try to pull me back to victimhood. I guess it’s the part in me that thinks I’ve come so far over the last 40+ years to give up now. And so, I keep getting up. I keep showing up. I keep reinforcing my genuine need and desire to move forward.

In the end, even if I don’t succeed in the way my egoic expectations dictate, so what? Afterall, I am only competing against myself, so I might as well learn how to accept me exactly as I show up at every moment. That’s the bet I am actually called to win.

So, my intention for the next year(s) is to lead my life with integrity and allow myself to fully experience what I am meant to experience. Because, you see, inner peace and balance and true freedom is my ultimate goal and I am determined to reach that one.

That’s what I wish for you, too.

May you have a great New Year’s (eve) and a miraculous 2026✨