Set your child (self) free

How can a child learn to know themselves fully when they are not allowed to be truly themselves in most of the environments they grow up into?

Societal, educational and parental rules suffocate the free expression of the whole range of emotions quite early in life. As their caregivers, we often have a preconceived notion of how we can properly raise our children and what’s best for them and for us. This is inevitable no matter how aware, open or progressive the environment may be. Children are faced with the perceptions, perspectives and expectations of their caregivers. Parts of them are accepted, while other parts of them are less tolerated (if not rejected completely).

There is no escape from that, -we’ve been there too-.

Ultimately that reflects in our resulting relationship dynamic.

Children in their attempt to express themselves freely, no-matter how constricted by their surroundings, have the amazing ability to bring us (the caregivers) face to face with our own vulnerability: fears, insecurities, repressed anger, unconscious patterns.

It’s important to understand that we tend to disapprove, reject and get triggered by the parts of our children that we also reject within ourselves.

And therein, lies the chance for us to break the cycle and change the pattern.

It’s not a matter of assigning a blame to anyone, rather to see and accept the fact that this is what is happening. Because only then, we can decide to assume accountability and take action for shifting this paradigm towards a more compassionate and balanced way of relating to ourselves and our children.

Rather than viewing our children as blank canvas or incomplete individuals that need to be controlled and shaped (by us), we’ll be able to create more space within us for them to be held and accepted (by us) with all their colors (emotions and behaviors), while offering our guidance and support.

The fact that this is not easy to change the current patterns and dynamics doesn’t mean they cannot or they won’t change. It all starts with each one of us. One person at a time. One small step at a time. One child at a time…The ripple effect of your effort toward changing the current paradigm cannot be predicted. But the result of you not doing anything about it, is already known.

So, give it your best…It’s not all or nothing here. Every small or big shift is important.

As, it’s always the case…it’s a choice.